give and take

give and take

that’s how this is supposed to work

maybe he takes from me and maybe she drains me

but someone else is filling me up

so that I can keep giving

but what if

everyone around me is empty

i’m trying

to fill them up

with love

with purpose

with knowing that at least on person cares

i’m not good at this

I don’t want to be

good at fixing others that’s not my job in the first place

but that doesn’t mean

I can push you away

if I love you

then I will do my best to push you towards Him

but i’m scared

I can’t handle this

they need me too much

and I drop the ball

and ruin things

I don’t have the right words to heal your pain

i’m overwhelmed by the depth of your need

I am not empty, I am full

but I am filled with all the emotions that I got from you

drowning in a pain I don’t understand

if I take care of you

and you, and you, and you

who is taking care of me?

I am not empty

but I am filled with fear

that I will be soon

this can’t last forever I am not infinite oceans of comforting words and steady presence and hopeless prayers and aching for you to be better

sooner or later

I will break

everything I have, stolen

no one thought to hold me

as I crumbled

to dust

I look around at the blurry figures

all around me

passing by

incessant

streams

of faceless vessels filled with pain

brimming over

we are each carrying our own ocean

how can we carry someone else’s?

in addition to our own

without it spilling over

in insanity

I search for someone

just one

to share the weight

that crushes me slowly

you are empty

they are empty

am I the only one?

alive

awake

trying to talk to the trees still

hold me, please hold me

catch me i’m falling

You are the only one who can fill me up again

make me feel alive again

give me joy and strength

to not be pulled down by the dark

to stay light when it feels heavy

to love well but not become tangled

into pain that does not belong to me

or learn  somehow

to be brokenhearted

and dancing

at the same time

I love You

2 thoughts on “give and take”

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