my only wish

she’s so perfect —

i hate her


you ask

the answer is hot on my tongue

easy to access

and small and bitter as a pill of selfishness:

i can never be her

…i want to be

but that isn’t my destiny

perfect was written right out of the twists of my dna

God said “not her”

when he looked at me

i don’t have that shiny hair

that swishes, golden, when i look at you

i don’t know how to wear her practiced smile

oozing confidence and magazine cover comfort

with all eyes on her

the perfect white teeth, the way her hands

are used to doing makeup

flawlessly, without excessive effort

i will never be the perfect girl

in a dress, with clear skin, glowing

never have the car, the iPhone, the boyfriend

let’s face it, the money from your parents

that made you the glittering thing you are


i only wish…

i could stop wishing

that someday

i could be

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