heartbreak

[this happened a while ago and i’m pretty well over it. but i still wanted to share]

maybe i don’t like me

in a world where you don’t like me

surely there is something imperfect

about a girl who is only loved by losers and freak shows

do i belong with them

i place pop music into earbuds

and cry slowly to the sound of breaking voices

distilling the feeling of breaking hearts

we break apart

you want to be friends

why, if i’m not worth loving

what about the pictures i posted

large eyes and pale innocence

dark hair, arched brows, temptation

if a filtered version of myself isn’t good enough

when will the real thing ever be

what’s so wrong with me

hands reach for something i can’t see

my eyes catch on the black of my fingernails

a scream builds in my mind

for just one moment could we pretend

that i’m the girl you want

somehow that the scars we each have

are matching ones

and that the world i rest in

is not a world of afters

but a place of beginnings and middles too

you offer to explains what’s going on

inside your mind

why tell me in more detail

about why you don’t want me

would you like

to see behind the curtain of my calm expresson?

into my head

i saw myself wrapped into your warm smile

close my eyes and feel safe

when i open them

i realize the truth

you are still written in my heart

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