two boys {college days}

one gave me his heart

and one gave me his soul

I didn’t know what do with them

so I gave them back

but not whole

I thought I was kind

unselfish, using my mind

maybe I hurt both instead

a book of blank pages

and a red playing card

somehow they are both mine

and not mine at all

maybe I kept pieces

when they walked away

to new women and continents

oceans away

I thought I hurt them

but the one crying was me

my phone has started lighting up again

and I want so badly to say

i’m not jealous of her

flirting again but louder this time

both insisting

that it could never be

maybe I shouldn’t have told him

how I felt (past tense)

was it cheating

to play both games

used to feel like I didn’t know the rules

maybe now I do

and i’m breaking them

is it cheating

to smile (quietly) when he notices

that I’ve gone silent

orange peels and torn napkins

a food fight I watched but

wasn’t part of

lying in bed tossing random inane questions

back

and forth

telling him things I’ve never told anyone

helping each other

fall asleep because we’re

both going crazy

wanting things we cannot have

but we have

each other

3 thoughts on “two boys {college days}”

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