aching time

how quickly everything can change

left staring

at a pencil

that he gave me once

feeling stupid

did I break one of the rules

and is it fair to expect to play by the rules when I don’t know the rules

tapping

softly

wondering if it will ever last

because these things never last and I’ve been here before and didn’t last then so why would it last now

I was just dreaming

still want to see the world

but the part I’ve seen already isn’t what I thought it would be

woulda been nice

to see all the sights

with someone by my side

i’m not scared of being alone because goodness knows I’ve been there before and it’s the most familiar thing in the world

part of me is shutting down

shutting out

hiding again

part of me knows

it just knows

that any minute my phone will light up

the way it does when he texts

to say goodnight

hoping hurts more

and I promised you all

i’d keep hoping

isn’t that what this whole stupid thing is about

hope?

giving up is easier

I hope you know that

(that was a joke, see)

this one doesn’t match

the pink decorations

i’m okay with that

the hurting days don’t just go away because you say you’re going to live differently now

they still come

they still hurt

i’ll pick myself up tomorrow

try again

by nighttime i’ll be a mess

it’s okay

there is something to learn in this aching time

and I think

maybe it’s how to write poetry again

because I suck at this

6 thoughts on “aching time”

  1. Your poetry doesn’t suck. And I know what you’re talking about. Forcing the smile, trying both to hope and not to at the same time, just hurting and wishing and feeling the painfulness of it all come crashing down. Every. Single. Time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. WHOA DUDE. Your poetry is AMAZING, my wonderful Kate. Don’t ever tell yourself otherwise.

    And also…if it’s not the poetry you were referring to (I’m almost inclined to think it was something else) then just know that I love you and you’re okay and you’re going to get through this, okay? Okay. Cause I’m always here if you ever need anything at all. <3333 Be strong, friendy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It sounds like you’re going through a hard time, Kate? If so, know that all of us want for you to be happy and we’re here for you.

    (okay so I’m not great at this kind of comment, apparently, but I mean it with all my heart.)

    Like

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